Attracting Your Ideal Mate

The law of attraction states –  “that which is like unto itself, is drawn.” More succinctly, like attracts like. What are the implications of this for our experience of intimate relationships?

Many of us are actually quite frustrated with the reality of our love lives because we either have a pattern of attracting unhealthy, neurotic relationships to us, or, no intimate relationship at all. It is rare indeed for any of us to attract to ourselves a partner that we are actually compatible with. The reason for this is that like attracts like.

If you are willing to take an honest look at yourself, you would have to admit that many of the neurotic relationships you’ve been in have been reflective of your own neurosis. In truth, though at the deepest level of our Being we are perfect, at the level of our actual human experience we are all neurotic to some degree, and  must continually strive to work through our neuroses. So, an honest appraisal of one’s own psyche, which will reveal your own neurotic tendencies, shouldn’t lead to self-judgment or loathing. We are all growing, and we are all healing.

However, as far as our experience of intimate relationships is concerned, it is those very same neurotic tendencies that dictate the nature of our relationships. In fact, it could be said that, in regards to love relationships, like neuroses attract like neuroses.

So, if you want to change the nature of your experience of relationships (provided you are one of the many that are unsatisfied with your present and past experience) there are only two things you can do. First, you can accept the fact that it is your own neuroses that draws to you those individuals that reflect your own neuroses back to you. In other words, you can accept the fact that the people that you draw to you in relationships are really just reflecting your neuroses back at you, by embodying them, and therefore, are not really causing you pain. Second, you can change your own habits and patterns to be more consistent with the qualities of your ideal mate. You can strive to Be that which you want or expect another to embody as your love partner.

For example, if you want to date a non-smoker, and you yourself are a smoker, you shouldn’t be terribly upset to find that it is only other smokers that are drawn to you. Or, perhaps you want to date someone that has a regular spiritual practice, whereas you are very inconsistent in your own practice. Again, you shouldn’t be surprised to find that it is only other semi-committed spiritual practitioners that are drawn to you.

My point is this: the people that you draw to you in relationships are, in a very real sense, reflections of yourself. You could say that you draw yourself to yourself in the form of another. Therefore, if you are not satisfied with the version of yourself that you are currently drawing to yourself you must strive to bridge the disparity between your actual self and your ideal self. For it is only as you become our ideal self that you can draw to you your ideal mate. Truly, you must find your own soul before you can find your soul mate.

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  1. Although, I agree with what you are saying, but you also attract what you don’t want and not necesarily your mere reflection. You attract what you focus on or whatever you fear in the other person. We not only needs to become the person we desire to be with, but we must learn to change our views of people in general. People are always playing the part that we assign to them and not necesarily because they are just like us but what we believe about them.

    There is no free lunch in life and we must work for the happiness we are all entitled to. All beliefs can be changed if you really really want what you say you want. I believe that it is of utter importance to first understand yourself and learn to love yourself before any progress can be made. It is a process but well worth the effort.

    Comment by Mayra — January 9, 2008 @ 4:19 am

  2. Like attracts like is an absolute truth but the majority of people need spiritual practices like meditation so that they could control their minds and relinquish their fear thus they could manipulate their thoughts. The first steps must be acceptance of all that is, awareness and totally presence in the now.

    Comment by Nour — April 8, 2009 @ 8:10 am

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